Nonsense

I really want to talk more about my previous post, but I feel like the time isn't right. I'm not entirely sure what that means myself, so I'll just revisit it another time. I know it's absurd to write this out but I feel a strange compulsion to do so.

Anyway, I've had this thought lingering for the past few days. It's all or nothing. More specifically, everything means everything, or nothing means anything. I suppose that's not much more specific. Essentially, the idea is that if you cherish anything you should cherish everything or you feel the exact opposite where you cherish nothing because nothing is worth it. Now, I know these are extremes that fall apart under the strict reign of reason but this idea has become unshakable.

You may turn your justified anger at me for saying that my thought was unreasonable yet I cannot disavow it. And I'll take your hostility because it is good and I deserve it. But I believe there must be an emotional argument coming from somewhere in me that I am unable to reason with or even express. It feels as if there is something to be learned from this notion; like this idea is some precious stone mired in the Earth, and I have yet to fully excavate and realize its brilliance. The thought haunts me after every emotion I experience, "This is goodness. Everything is. I must try to understand the beauty in all things." Afterwards, this thought is met with, "Is this possible? Is this reasonable? Would adopting a philosophy like this send me towards enlightenment or am I just a fool?"

I really should try to stick to a theme or a voice or even a point of view in these writings. It feels so much more natural to write around all of these rules I've been taught for so long. That's probably not a good thing but as this is written as a sort of catalogue of thoughts (not quite a diary or journal) I feel like it is isn't too out of line.

In other news, I have been affectionately called, "my little misanthrope" or "mr. misanthrope" and other such names. Affectionately. Really. In my defense I do try to keep this to myself as much as possible. Then I thought of what describes me better than anything I have yet conceived, "A misanthrope searching for enlightenment." The verb choice is important. I am not convinced that, "searching" is the right selection but I will allow myself time to revise. I always do.