I find myself at an impasse. I am getting older and have long standing obligations and debts to many people. This causes me a great amount of anxiety and stress when dealing or thinking about the future. Although, I must say the burden of the future has been lessening to some extent. I believe it's likely because I have found a middle ground to accept what comes versus what I expect or desire. The counter point is a lady I met. I have met many women in my time but not like this. I have only known her for a short time and it's likely that a volatile mix of hormones and latent dreams and desires have conspired to make me believe that she is incredibly special.
I have always just sort of gone along with things because I have few desires in the world. She is the first person I can think of whom I actively want. This isn't a lustful desire (although there is that) it is a yearning for her person around me. I find myself daydreaming of our future together and what it would be like to have her by my side all the time.
This is where the impasse occurs. If things continue at this current trajectory I would be willing to relinquish past ideas and dreams for the future to be with her. This isn't to say that she is ruining my life or taking my dreams away, but rather, that she has the potential to show me something so very special that my past goals fail to match what I think we could have. Lately, I've been forcing myself to calm down and remind myself of the reality of the situation. I am trying not to be overwhelmed with emotion and instead remain under the prescient guidance of reason. Still, it seems hard not to acknowledge that my desire for her isn't reasonable as well. What is there not to desire? What rational person would deprive themselves of such a pleasure and oppurtunity? It seems to be perfectly reasonable to continue on like I have and that is a bit frightening.
I am absurdly absorbed by this woman. I hope this never changes.
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Friday, January 13, 2017
Secondary Education
I've been seeing this argument that "not everyone should go to college" quite often nowadays. It's very strange to me. I mean, I understand the argument. It is saying that not everyone is cut out for academic life and there are opportunities elsewhere. It is saying that college is too expensive and the world needs more carpenters, welders, electricians, etc. The idea is that trade schools teach people valuable skills that will make them a living without incurring a ton of debt and without having to go to school. I get it. I know that there is a lot going for that argument but I have just always felt like there was something malicious hiding behind that argument and today it occurred to me.
A long time ago, colleges and universities did not prepare people for occupations or careers. They were centers of thought and learning. Their entire purpose was to make you a competent, thinking, contributing member of society. After some time the goals of universities and college began to shift into job and money making bullshit. There is a brilliant essay about this but I can't seem to find it now. I'll find the link later. Anyway, the idea behind a college was to make a person less of an idiot. Nothing else.
Now fast forward, and we are talking about fewer and fewer people going to get a good education. "You don't need it. It's too expensive anyway" We are talking about education here. This isn't about jobs or careers or vocations or anything. This is about making sure you aren't a dumb shit scumbag illiterate who votes against your own interests. What I see now, is even educated people promulgating this idea that not everyone should have the same education. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. Make higher education too expensive, and keep people from learning about anything substantial. Perhaps, I'm looking too far into this, but it all seems like an elaborate ruse. It is a way of saying that education costs too much and what is important is that you have some bullshit job that keeps you from starving. Everything else in the world is irrelevant. Am I the only one that finds this horrifying? You reduce people's understanding of what's around them and their ability to think critically for some esoteric reason. Now you have an army of brain dead idiots who don't know any better. They can be as mean and stupid and vicious as Hobbes said we are.
In summation, education is a right. We all need it, regardless of what we do. This is so you aren't a useless sack of shit to society. It's 2017. Get with it.
A long time ago, colleges and universities did not prepare people for occupations or careers. They were centers of thought and learning. Their entire purpose was to make you a competent, thinking, contributing member of society. After some time the goals of universities and college began to shift into job and money making bullshit. There is a brilliant essay about this but I can't seem to find it now. I'll find the link later. Anyway, the idea behind a college was to make a person less of an idiot. Nothing else.
Now fast forward, and we are talking about fewer and fewer people going to get a good education. "You don't need it. It's too expensive anyway" We are talking about education here. This isn't about jobs or careers or vocations or anything. This is about making sure you aren't a dumb shit scumbag illiterate who votes against your own interests. What I see now, is even educated people promulgating this idea that not everyone should have the same education. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. Make higher education too expensive, and keep people from learning about anything substantial. Perhaps, I'm looking too far into this, but it all seems like an elaborate ruse. It is a way of saying that education costs too much and what is important is that you have some bullshit job that keeps you from starving. Everything else in the world is irrelevant. Am I the only one that finds this horrifying? You reduce people's understanding of what's around them and their ability to think critically for some esoteric reason. Now you have an army of brain dead idiots who don't know any better. They can be as mean and stupid and vicious as Hobbes said we are.
In summation, education is a right. We all need it, regardless of what we do. This is so you aren't a useless sack of shit to society. It's 2017. Get with it.
Korea
So I am in Korea now. Yeah, I know, it's crazy. I know no one really reads this but I like to pretend like I have some kind of audience that follows my work. In any case a lot has happened since the last time you checked in.
My band fell apart. It was an unfortunate experience. I did not want to lose my band or my band-mates. We are still on friendly terms as the breakup was done more or less amicably. However, with the dissolution of the band, the one thing keeping me bound to that location, I knew I had to move on. So I did what anyone would do, and I immediately joined a training program to get me into Korea for teaching and within three months of my band's breakup I had started my job in Korea.
Of course, I felt like I had wasted years of my life. I put everything on hold with the silly belief that maybe something could happen with the band. Like, we could "hit it big" or some such thing. Honestly, I never believed we would be a top-tier band travelling the world, but I did think it was possible for us to be a slightly less than top-tier band travelling to other places.
I know I said that I felt like I wasted years of my life, and maybe I did, but I do not regret it. I know that if I didn't give it a full shot, then I would have always wondered what could have been. I could have been that guy from that semi-successful band that played some shows at various places. That would have impressed many of ladies, I'm sure. In any event, I don't lament my decision to stay home because it has provided me valuable experience and some moderately interesting stories.
It was actually pretty convenient timing. I left the country right as Donald Trump got elected. Although, I do worry a little about being somewhere else in the world when a toddler is in charge of the largest military in the world via Twitter. Although, it must be said that the president here in South Korea was just impeached for corruption and such so I guess it just doesn't matter where you go.
My band fell apart. It was an unfortunate experience. I did not want to lose my band or my band-mates. We are still on friendly terms as the breakup was done more or less amicably. However, with the dissolution of the band, the one thing keeping me bound to that location, I knew I had to move on. So I did what anyone would do, and I immediately joined a training program to get me into Korea for teaching and within three months of my band's breakup I had started my job in Korea.
Of course, I felt like I had wasted years of my life. I put everything on hold with the silly belief that maybe something could happen with the band. Like, we could "hit it big" or some such thing. Honestly, I never believed we would be a top-tier band travelling the world, but I did think it was possible for us to be a slightly less than top-tier band travelling to other places.
I know I said that I felt like I wasted years of my life, and maybe I did, but I do not regret it. I know that if I didn't give it a full shot, then I would have always wondered what could have been. I could have been that guy from that semi-successful band that played some shows at various places. That would have impressed many of ladies, I'm sure. In any event, I don't lament my decision to stay home because it has provided me valuable experience and some moderately interesting stories.
It was actually pretty convenient timing. I left the country right as Donald Trump got elected. Although, I do worry a little about being somewhere else in the world when a toddler is in charge of the largest military in the world via Twitter. Although, it must be said that the president here in South Korea was just impeached for corruption and such so I guess it just doesn't matter where you go.
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