Impasse

I find myself at an impasse. I am getting older and have long standing obligations and debts to many people. This causes me a great amount of anxiety and stress when dealing or thinking about the future. Although, I must say the burden of the future has been lessening to some extent. I believe it's likely because I have found a middle ground to accept what comes versus what I expect or desire. The counter point is a lady I met. I have met many women in my time but not like this. I have only known her for a short time and it's likely that a volatile mix of hormones and latent dreams and desires have conspired to make me believe that she is incredibly special.
I have always just sort of gone along with things because I have few desires in the world. She is the first person I can think of whom I actively want. This isn't a lustful desire (although there is that) it is a yearning for her person around me. I find myself daydreaming of our future together and what it would be like to have her by my side all the time.

This is where the impasse occurs. If things continue at this current trajectory I would be willing to relinquish past ideas and dreams for the future to be with her. This isn't to say that she is ruining my life or taking my dreams away, but rather, that she has the potential to show me something so very special that my past goals fail to match what I think we could have. Lately, I've been forcing myself to calm down and remind myself of the reality of the situation. I am trying not to be overwhelmed with emotion and instead remain under the prescient guidance of reason. Still, it seems hard not to acknowledge that my desire for her isn't reasonable as well. What is there not to desire? What rational person would deprive themselves of such a pleasure and oppurtunity? It seems to be perfectly reasonable to continue on like I have and that is a bit frightening.

I am absurdly absorbed by this woman. I hope this never changes.